Lockdowns mean that each person’s ability to meet their basic needs of fun and social connection is compromised. This can lead to a range of problems from a bad atmosphere at home to increased anxiety.

Connect with your teenager

You may have an extroverted teenager who tells you everything that’s going on, or a quiet one that you’re worried about, who spends most of their time huddled in their room.

To get the quiet ones talking, try doing an activity with them during which they don’t need to make eye contact. During a more natural situation while you are talking about ordinary things - going for a walk or drive, with your eyes in front of you, or doing an activity together such as cooking or gardening, you can gently steer the conversation to what might be bothering them.

Careful about advice, or they will automatically clam up. They will sense that you are taking control. Opt more for questions- “that doesn’t sound right, what do you think that you might do?”

Recognise their character strengths as they display them. Notice kindness, social awareness, creativity, curiosity, bravery… and tell them how their efforts are being noticed.

Teenagers have a need for relationships with their peers that will not be satisfied with the company of their family. So being asked to stay indoors with their parents will be a trial for the entire household. Acknowledge the challenge in a kind way. Your teenager is developing the ability to self regulate their emotions and understanding will help.

Help them to create balance

Most teenagers will quite happily spend most of their time online if allowed- social media, youtube and online gaming being the biggest draws.

Talk to them about how they can manage their time and energy in a balanced way so that their needs for fun, freedom, social connection are being met, but they are also getting enough exercise, keeping up with homework and household responsibilities as well as being respectful during the confinement period. Help them to create a routine or schedule that they can visualise this.

Conflict

Solve arguments and conflict when both parties are calm and logic pervades. This will help to end the issue with an agreed resolution rather than taking an interval before the next round. This might mean role modeling emotional restraint, walking away and offering a later time to address the issue.

Social Agreement: Teenagers have difficulty differentiating between rights and privileges. This can prompt arguments over usage of devices, shared spaces and pulling their weight. Consider setting up an agreement on acceptable usage for online devices, or a general social agreement that helps to offset future arguments.

The social agreement might take this format below.

If you want to talk with me about what’s going on for your teenager, please get in contact.

Gráinne Dunleavy MSc Positive Psychology